I <3 - (George Clooney TV show) + E NY

You know what really grinds my gears? Standing in front of the washing machine and having to put in over $20 in quarters just for the machine to start. Now $20 was not used, only $1, but I had to put the same quarter in the machine 80 times for the machine to finally accept it. Of course it had to be the last quarter, for the last load of laundry I had. To make things worse, it was one of the new designed quarters that happened to be New York. That's just one more thing I can despise about New York, even their quarters have attitudes. You know, I bet this has to do with one man, Joe Rogan. He has to be from New York. And that's where it all began.

Thook!

You haven't quite lived until you have heard the sound of a loaf of bread thump a man's head.

Twice.

Ba De Ah

I realize that it is a little late for an announcement, but I hope everyone had a merry EWF day. To tell you the truth, I don't think it's ever too late to celebrate the 21st of September. This weekend let's break out or red leather jumpsuits and chase the clouds away.

Roots, 2.0

So, I'm tired of seeing all these entries without comments. That must mean these posts are too frequent and not random enough to make you think. Plus you are tied to work and your woman and cannot find time to read. Fear not random readers, you will not suffer from the actions of my faithful reader. It just might take a little longer for me to find something good to write about.

Oh, but I did hear that Ed Hochuli is the original Ultimate Warrior.

Teacher's edition

Moody.

Not quite sure. But I have a good idea.

No.

Famous last words

"I'll be back later."

Now, the question is, who said it? Why was it said at 9pm? And will he really be back later?

Answers to come.

Vocabulary lesson

I wanted to introduce my one faithful reader to a new word:

phallific

This word was created from phallic and terrific. It is best used when describing how a hotdog, sausage, or bratwurst tastes. So just remember when you are watching 'Will and Grace' and they use the word phallific, you heard it here first.

Put a smile on my heart

The opening of SportsCenter tonight showed a highlight of Barry Bonds. He watched the pitch from Derek Lowe, saw it enter his wheel house, and hit a deep bomb into the bay. But it was foul. The sight of his face on the replay made me want to dance a jig, kindof like Bruce Willis did in "The Last Boyscout."

Also, it has come to my attention that there are multiple people vying for the coveted title of "faithful reader." The newest to the list it Vinny. A friend of a friend that I call my own. I've heard he is enrolled in an "Intro to the Internet" course and frequently peruses the internet. To tell you the truth, I can't really see how that class lasts longer than two meetings.

Intro to the Internet Teacher: "Well, now that I'm done with attendance, I think that's enough for today. Next week, we'll learn to 'double click on the E.' Class dismissed."

I'm only giving you a hard time because I know your worthless brother, my one faithful reader, went home tonight and decided to forego leaving an entry to leave you. He's got his "ball and chain" and good for him. You know, the last time I saw you, you had quite a little number on your arm, eating lunch with you, leaving lipstick marks on your lips, cheek, and forehead. To tell you the truth, if I could find a girl half as good as you had at the DMB show, she'd be a 5.

Update on change

Remember the post about change? Yeah, it really didn't make sense, but just to reiterate how things can change, just recall what happened to the Dogs that fateful day, four years ago.

Second gessing myself

So I've always told myself that the ladies love stubble. This has to do mostly that I don't shave every day, and that's because I don't have to. Most of the time I have a shaggy complexion to say the least, but the best part is it usually takes 2 days to get to that point and it remains that length until the 5th day. But tonight at Harley's, I came upon the realization that the ladies might not like the stubble. And the striking part of this story is my epiphany came when I was hugging... that's right, a man.

Between the horrible renditions of "I Love Rock and Roll" and "Rocky Mountain High," the entertainment was watching one guy at the bar that was wearing a shirt that looked like:

He Loves
The Cock
-------->

Of course there was an empty seat to the left of this gentleman, and I use the term loosely. Throughout the evening, unsuspecting guys would lean over the bar to order a drink and we would clap, cheer, and scream of the sight of another guy next to the shirt. Even Hey Russ fell victim to the shirt. Near the end of the night, I was saying goodbye to everyone and as I was about to leave RoseDawg stood up to give me a hug and pushed me, backwards to the bar. The trap had been set and I was ensnared. The man wearing the shirt stood in position where everyone at the table could see the shirt was pointing at me and asked, "What's your name?"
"Cocklover," I replied and he broke into hysterical laughter. During this, he put his arm around my shoulder and got a little too close. His cheek nestled next to mine and scratched the hell out of my face. This made me think that One, this guy probably needed to be standing next to himself, and Two, the ladies may not like stubble. Now if you will excuse me, I need to shave so I can exfoliate my face and feel clean.

All the signs were there

I'm not usually one to get caught up in the Hollywood scene, but I believe there were some signs that could have tipped off one of Hollywood's favorite couples. I am speaking of course of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. But one mustn't forget the catalyst in the gossip column, Angelina Jolie. Now, I'm not saying this was unavoidable, because I couldn't care less, but if we could learn anyting from history, Angelina has tried this before. Take, for example, the time she tried to break up Will Smith and Renee Zellweger. Now I know they weren't together when she tried to seduce Will, but they did end up with each other regardless of Angelina's efforts.

See if people just open their eyes and pay attention they will see the signs. Because everywhere a sign, blocking out the scenery and breaking my mind. Do this. Don't do that. Can't you read the signs? All it takes is one sign and BAM, things change. Kinda like the nickel. I mean sure, it still has some guy's face on the front, but the back is totally different. There's a couple holding hands, a viking ship, a yak, and even someone's Christmas tree. I think I even saw a canoe one time, swear to God I did. So as you can see change is good. Change in the temporal sense, that we really don't have any control over. And change in the physical sense, that you can jingle in your pocket as you walk past homeless people, letting them know, "yeah I have change, but you aren't going to get any."

Am I a clown?

Oh? Now you are asking for more posts too? What? Do you think this blog is here just for you? Is it here to amuse you? Do you think it's funny? I hope so. And if you do, is it Spin City funny or Rita Rudner funny? But wait. Do I see a new post from you? No I don't. Do I see a comment asking for another post? No again. You know what this means? Not much. I see this as a chance to write in the vastly unpopular Second Person and an attempt to secure you the title of "faithful reader". Now this is not going to work. I am far too wise to fall for such a feeble attempt. You know what they say, "Flattery will only get you so far. Alcohol will get you the rest."

About time

I suppose. Now, I've never really been worried about my ISP, I'm perfectly content with the size of my penis, and I have a particular taste in art that you aren't going to change. To put it frankly, thank you for the solicitations, but there is no need for that nonsense here. And with the addition of word verification, I feel like ticketmaster. I only hope this does not deter my one faithful reader from leaving comments.

On another note, I noticed there have been others claiming to be faithful readers. This has brightened the blogspot outlook. But they have only commented once. I know not every post warrants a comment, take this entry for example. I felt obligated to leave a comment. I read it, paused to reflect, and though WWDFD? (That's Don Filemon for those of you that don't know. Not really sure why I added that comment. Guess I'm hoping one day I can claim to have two faithful readers.) Not really sure where the rest of this post is going. Just going to fade out like in The Joker, "lovey-dovey all the time. Come on baby and I'll show you a good time..."